Having a curious nature, I decided to look up the word “be” in an online dictionary:
Be – \ˈbē\
- To exist; to have real existence.
- To occupy a place.
- To connect a noun to an adjective that describes it.
So what does it all mean? Verbs are action words. It’s a command to do something. Over and over in my life I was instructed to “just be”. Be good, be faithful, be quiet, and be still – the list goes on and on. What did it mean? How does one simply “be” if you don’t know who you are or where you are supposed to be? The world is full of those who will happily tell you where you should go, what you should do, who you should be friends with. I didn’t know who I was. I had not yet found where I belonged. My question to God was always, “be what?”
One day back in 2003 a dear friend decided I had been cooped up in my house for far too long and needed some fresh air. I was a single mom at the time and it was the weekend my daughter went to spend with her father. I had nothing better to do, and agreed to go on a quiet drive. We had no plans to go anywhere specific, just drive. We ended up near some old abandoned railroad tracks. This was a place my friend liked to go when he needed time to think. While walking along the tracks an old railroad spike caught my eye. It was half buried by sand. I picked it up, brushed it off, and continued to walk, spike in hand. My friend saw this old rusty spike and offered to help me find a better one. I told him no, that this was the one I wanted. He questioned me since the spike I was carrying was obviously an eyesore, and honestly, if it was something one of my kids would have brought home, I would probably have told them to keep it outside. But there was something about this old spike that spoke to my spirit.
That night while sitting alone and feeling sorry for myself because the house was so quiet, a still small voice spoke to me. There was this “something” placed on my heart and words just flooded my head – words I knew needed to come out. So I grabbed paper and pen and began to write. This is what God placed in my heart that summer night.
The Railroad Spike…
No one would have noticed it. It had but one purpose and having been used, was it no longer of any worth? Is this its fate? To be tossed aside and forgotten? Is it over?
This is only the beginning. God sees the end from the beginning.
The Railroad Spike…
Necessary for the completion of a plan.
It was created to be a part of something bigger. A small but necessary piece in history. Years of weather and abuse by countless numbers of trains passing over, yet it remained steadfast in its purpose. No storm, no train, and no hand of man can alter its original purpose, for its creator had only one idea in mind when he made it.
Most times overlooked.
Your Creator designed you with but one purpose. He fashioned you, He molded you, and He spoke life into you. No amount of time, no storms in life, and no hands of demons or man can alter your original purpose.
Be who He created you to be, and be only what He made you. HIS MOST PRECIOUS POSSESSION. HIS CHILD. HIS GIFT IN A PART OF HISTORY. Be who you are. Be out loud or in the secret places – only BE! Just know… He who creates saw the end before you. He knows who you are and who you are to become. Be confident. Be strong, Be sharp, and Be necessary.
Be still and know… that “I AM”.
It took me a long time to understand what it meant to “be”. I kept thinking I was supposed to do something. I finally figured it out. I already was. I was everything I was supposed to be. I just had to believe in me. I had to stop seeing myself as I thought the world saw me, as I saw me, my distorted view. It was time to see me as God saw me. God doesn’t make any mistakes. He created what He desires for His purpose and in His time. I was who I was – not an accident, but put here with meaning and purpose. To accomplish something greater than. To speak for the voices of those who are in silence. To show a path to something Bigger than the pain. To let others know…
YOU ARE NOT ALONE
By the way – to this day I still have that railroad spike. I keep it in a drawer of a mantle clock this same friend bought me as a Christmas gift that same year. If you have ever been in this place, you will understand.
Kim M. Acosta is an adult survivor of child abuse and domestic violence. She is also a wife, mother, grandmother and is currently a student at Indiana Wesleyan University due to graduate Magna Cum Laude with a BSW in December 2016. She is finishing out her field experience at an elementary school in Ohio where being a voice for the children is her passion. She joined NACSW this summer.